Friday, July 31, 2009

I have been thinking a lot lately about having a second child. I would love to have another child, but I honestly don’t know that I can emotionally and mentally handle the stress.

I was 24 when I had my son, and although it was an unexpected pregnancy, my husband and I were happy and excited.

My pregnancy was relatively easy; not a lot of morning sickness and no complications, but the back pain was pretty harsh. I was in labor for 18 hours and it was complete torture.

I had a light version of post-pardum depression and it scares me to think that if I have another child, I may be walking into that again. I didn’t want to leave my house, although my body needed it. I was terrified of exposing my son to anyone other than me or my husband.

I stopped working and stayed home with him for 3 years. Soon, I began feeling down about the fact that I was a young woman with a Master’s degree and nothing to show for it career-wise. I worked really hard to earn it and I was just letting it collect dust. Actually, I still feel that way now.

I’ve started working in a company that I like, part-time for now, but hopefully turning it into a full-time position soon. I feel like this could be the beginning of me building a career. If I have another child, I know that I’ll sacrifice my career again to stay home for at least a couple of years with the new baby. Then I’ll have to start all over again.

I also think about my son and how right now, we are by no means rich, but we can afford to take him to Chuck E. Cheese’s and different places similar to it. We are planning a trip to Disney for next summer, only that trip will not happen for another couple of years if I have another baby.

Also, I feel like I am an excellent mother to my son, but will I really be an excellent mother to two children? I love my son so much that I don’t understand how I can love another child as much as I love him. I just don’t see how it’s possible.

I know that other moms do it all the time, have more than one child and love them equally but I guess it’s something that you have to go through.

I don’t know when I’ll finally make my decision about another baby, but I feel a little bit of pressure to make that decision soon.

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